I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
Being the optimistic type of girl I am, I recently went on a journey to the past. For the most part, I believed that it would be a positive situation yet for a minute here or there, I would ask myself, “What are you doing, are you crazy?”
I stepped back to 1989. The year of, well, who knows, but it was the year I fell in love. It was a year I recall time and time again, one which appears at times in my dreams.
My first love, Earl, was well hidden for many years. Not having the internet or a computer at home, not seeing the real necessity of it all, he was a hard man to find. But for the fact that everyone in the US has a high school reunion, it would have been many more.
As I boarded the plane, I flew into Denver. Nerves and perspiration covered each inch of my being. As I sat in anticipation of the “what if’s”, the clock teased me mercilessly. Minutes seemed to slow to a halt. My seatmate passed the time with the fear of flying home for her mother’s surgery. Feelings of sadness for her, exhilaration for me, filled my mind.
As the plane touched down, my heart raced. My seatmate and I decided to stick together for the journey into the visitor’s section. As the escalator reached the top, I spotted him. There he was, standing slightly in the distance. I said to my new friend, “There he is”, and raced towards him. As a soldier returning from war, I dropped my bag and grabbed him close. Twenty years melted away as we giggled, smiled and kissed.
Five days flew by as if the law of time ceased to exist. Eating to sustain our physical existence as we covered land blessed by God himself. Memories covered, our lives explored. What time had granted for experience allowed us the opportunity to renew our belief that underneath it all, he was still him and I was still me.
My experience regarding reconnecting with my first love is rare. The truth is that we will never know what is at the end of our individual rainbows. You may find a pot of gold or something far less.
One is able to fix a car, their home or even themselves at times. Yet, when it comes to matters of the heart, reality must be first and center. Reconnecting even with the internet is the initial challenge. Your first love may not be the man or woman you remember. Years may have weathered them regarding physical, mental or emotional. They may or may not be in a committed relationship. They may or may not consider you their first love. It’s very possible they remember you only as a friend or someone they simply dated in passing. Similar to an adopted child, that person may not want to be found. He or she has the ability to reject you or may say something you may not want to hear.
The first step to taking the plunge is to ensure that you are prepared for rejection. Having a life filled with joy, love and support is a definite. Not feeling as if you must fill a void or the belief that your first love will give you a happy ending must be a reality. You must be, for the most part, happy and content with your current life. Having something to go back to is a recipe for success. Being prepared for whatever happens to happen without the expectation of “until death do we part” will allow you to bounce back to your current life if necessary.
Most important, live without regrets. Taking the chance during your lifetime to answer questions which haunt you more often than not will allow you closure and the chance to complete your life’s puzzle. You never know, they may be searching for you too. It may be for different reasons, but nonetheless, you may be the key to their unanswered questions as well.
Last but not least, GO FOR IT! Jump off the deep end, if only once in your life, and you will never regret it.
To be continued….