Laura's Corner

As little girls, especially in the Catholic religion, we are born to wed.  We are raised to eventually become good wives and mothers.  Pre-marital sex is out of the question, only allowed within the confines of marriage.  We believe this as fact as we follow in the footsteps of our Fore Mothers.  A happy home reflected in Leave it to Beaver is a badge of honor.  We are informed that our husbands come first, next are our children, and we are left as bottom feeders.  To this day my Grandmother serves us each time we go into her home.  God bless her soul.   

Being told that you can only have a healthy sexual relationship within the confines of marriage was not only meant as law but good intention.  Within my home, I have always informed my own children that the most successful path would be to attend school, graduate, have a long term relationship, get married and then consummate the relationship. 

That being said, I believe it’s important to wait.  Doing so allows one to think with a clear head, the right head, so to speak.  It also grants you a childhood free of STD’s, pregnancy and the sting of “the guy who just told the entire school he took your virginity”.  Am I overprotective, absolutely!  Given the fact I love my children, I, like any other parent who truly loves their children, does whatever it takes to ensure they experience less pain than more.   We want to think of our children as pure and if we are successful in this area, we feel as if we are the “King (or Queen) of the world”.

According to the Bible, sex is allowed only within the confines of marriage.  It also states men wrote the bible on behalf of the Good Lord.  I wish I could have been one of the “chosen” to write a book B.C.  or A.D.  Had I been given the chance to put in my two cents, I would have revealed this.

Marriage, albeit a good idea, is not enough.  It states as long as you are “married”, you can have sex.  Let’s dig deeper.  Sometimes sex is initially used as a weapon to obtain a ring and then withheld unless one or the other is satisfied.  On the other hand, a man or woman  can cheat, be a pedophile, addicted to porn, abuse one another mentally, physically, or emotionally, swing, hate each other, abuse drugs, neglect their kids, or plan on getting a divorce, yet as long as they are married, they can have sex.  It’s allowed.  Go ahead and ask God, He said so.

In lieu of instructing our children to wait until they are married to consummate their relationship, why not give them examples to live by.  Mom and dad, unless you are in a healthy marriage, forgo demanding abstinence until marriage.  Hey Single Mom, yes you, the one who has Tom, Dick and Harry over three times a week, get your schit together.   You do not have the right to expose your children to your flavor of the week.

From this day forward, I am revising my idea.  What I desire most for them is to eventually share themselves with someone within the confines of a healthy relationship.  Whether this happens in or outside of marriage, I want them to be allowed to make an educated decision based on the examples I have given them within our home.  I would rather see them happy with one person than miserable with a spouse.  I refuse to give my blessing unless I feel that they truly love, respect and care for one another. 

Within our home, I do not have overnight guests.  I have friends that may stop by with a pizza, but when it’s time to wind down, I bid them farewell and send them on their merry way.  I believe our home should be first and foremost a safe place for my children.  Ensuring their happiness is etched in stone.  My physical needs are last in order of importance.  If I need a break or adult time, I leave my home and spend time with friends.  Do I feel lonely?  Absolutely not!  It may take awhile to readjust your “lifestyle” but believe me; you will not regret this choice in the long run. 

Getting married should not be the ultimate goal for your child.  Give them a healthy home which will allow them to flourish.  Communication regarding sex and relationships will allow them the opportunity to make positive decisions regarding their future choices.  Start today or it may be too late.