Laura's Corner

Go ahead! Call CPS!

Posted by Laura Beyer on Aug. 26, 2009

Parents everywhere, beware!!  Today is a wakeup call and I am taking one for the team.  I am going to delve into the road less traveled and open up a little about my life.  Sit back and relax, enjoy and grab your popcorn.  Get ready for a dose of honesty and straightforwardness; it’s coming your way!

I have been a single parent for almost 10 years.  Sure, I had a relationship or two in between, but for the most part, I have raised my daughters on my own.  Their father made the decision after the divorce to see the children one weekend per month.  It was stipulated that he was to have the minimum of the 3^rd weekend of the month, and he stuck to that particular schedule like glue.  I had never wanted to prevent either of us from being parents so left it pretty much to our own discretion.  Boy, did that bite me in the butt.

I love my children.  Being a single parent, raising them 95% of the time on my own has brought upon feelings which may have been unwarranted.  Being mom and dad required me to give an extra 150% because I believed in my heart I had to fill the void of the other who chose to be more of a “gaming buddy” than a father.  A man who believed that his credit card and wallet were a ticket to love. 

When I desire to have me time, guilt creeps in.  If I leave to do my own thing, spend time with friends or date, will they feel I love them less?  Without a father around, I have to ensure that they know they are cared for.  The other 28 days of the month fall on my shoulders as I try to balance children and work.  After all of this time, due to the economy, I finally began to pursue my goal of obtaining a college degree.  Two nights per week away from the kids, will they be ok?  What if something happens and I haven’t said or done and the Lord decides it’s their time?  Why do I hold onto this guilt, when the other parent is free to go on living as if these children exist within a 24-48 hour period? 

My stipulation regarding our family was that everyone would pitch in to keep our home clean.  Not museum clean, just lived in clean.  One daughter would take care of the living room and laundry.  The other child would be responsible for the kitchen, dishes and garbage.  Yard work, shoveling and other odds and ends.  It’s the least a parent can expect for free room and board.  Bedrooms are another story.   For that we simply shut the doors and say a little prayer that someday it will be taken care of. 

Oldest is 18 and she had been working at a fast food joint.  It has been known that if you want a cell phone and to drive mom’s car, you must pay fifty dollars per month for each.  Oldest paid faithfully for these bills in a timely manner.  Recently, she lost her job and it was known that I expected the payments to continue.  In lieu of saving, as suggested years ago, her money has magically disappeared into the hands of others.  After insisting for the last month that she go to college and obtain another source of employment, my wishes have fallen upon deaf ears. 

Is it possible we love our children “too much” to the point of enablement?  Has divorce caused parents to become lax because we feel guilt about separating our children from mom or dad?  What are we allowed to insist regarding expectations for our children?  Is it too much of a burden that we expect our children to become contributing members of society? Is my request a sign of abuse?  I think not, but, if it is, how about someone report me to CPS?   Tell those who work within the system that I am guilty of expecting too much.  Go ahead and let them know that unless they free me of all charges, my daughters will become yet two more living off the system.  

Whether this blog is a cry for help or an admission of my shortcomings, I am hoping to strike a chord.  Feel free to comment and give input.  I am ready for it!