I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
Alright, since this is a family show. I am going to tone it down a bit, but plan on getting my point across. Another one of those "controversial" blogs, but it may help someone before they get hurt or hurt someone else.
Anyone hear about that guy John Edwards, wife of Elizabeth Edwards, a woman stricken with CANCER? If you haven't, let me fill you in. From what I hear, (and this may just be out of one of those "fictitious" magazines), the guy cheated on his wife. He is now in the process of taking a paternity test to clear the fact he may have fathered a child. The woman taking the test is NOT HIS WIFE, it is the other woman. Go figure.
I am sure you have seen Elizabeth, STANDING BY HER MAN, throughout his campaign, right? Head held high, strong, powerful, a face of a survivor, with a LOVING HUSBAND BY HER SIDE. When we think it can't get any worse with infidelity in the White House, THIS woman gets cheated on. Not that I justify cheating, but come on. Not only does she have to deal with cancer, but now this?
Let me get one thing straight. I believe in maintaining your relationship. Yep, I think you should want to touch the person you choose as your partner. I don't think a guy would marry a girl if he just wanted to be pals or anything, right? Guys, please correct me if I'm wrong. Anyhow, back to the drawing board. If at any time your relationship becomes a chore, it is your duty to talk with your spouse and express your concerns. They may feel the same way. You may need to do a little work. It's time to be honest with your spouse about your needs. No matter what they are, it's time to fess up. Tell the person you are with that life has become a little monotonous and you would like to get back what has been lost. It's easier said than done. If you feel like it's not something you feel comfortable talking about, then write a letter, send a text or an email. Do SOMETHING! If you don't, it's your own fault you aren't being satisfied.
I wonder why most people cheat. I think I may have the answer. First off, we all like variety. Secondly, it's somewhat of a challenge to cheat. Men and women both cheat. Some for the same reasons as well. It's also something "new". It's exciting, fun and there is someone new telling you what you want to hear. This person is telling you what your spouse told you years ago while you were dating. To some, it actually feels good. Emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.
What is most wrong about cheating is this. You are lying to the person you made a commitment to. You promised this person they would be your one and only, for as long as you both shall live. You promised to be faithful, loving, kind, honest and buy her a Coach purse once in a while. If you put as much time and energy into your spouse as you would a new "friend", I bet you could actually save your loved one from future heartache.
If you want to cheat, tell your spouse. They may want to cheat too. This may be the "same old thing" on their end as well. If you like other men or women, then make sure you are up front with your partner about it before it happens. Tell them why you plan on doing it and see what happens. I bet you more than anything this will prevent you from stepping into the baby pool. This may save your relationship. Your spouse may turn up the heat. I don't care what anyone says, nothing feels worse than seeing a hot guy or girl hit on your partner. You know you will step your game up and put on your sexy face. You will "take what is yours" and do what you have to in order to keep your spouse from a-strayin'.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the spice of life, as long as the spice you are dating knows you plan on dating other spices. I love going out for sushi and ordering different pieces of fresh fish. It is the best. Different flavors, textures, well, you get the point! We all love a little variety.
The reason most marriages fail today is due to the fact one or the other was not completely honest about who they were to begin with. Your spouse may have told you everything you wanted to hear so you would marry them. Or, they told you the truth about themselves after you began an intimate relationship with them and by that time, it was too late. You were IN LOVE and hooked! You took your time to invest in the relationship and are afraid you will never find "love" again.
It is time to re-evaluate our relationships and lay it all on the table. Take your spouse out. You may have to have a couple of drinks. Let that person know what you have been missing, or who you really are. Chances are, they may open up to you as well. You may find out new things about your spouse which may intrigue you. I mean, you married this person and may end up spending the next 30 years with them. The sooner you do this the better. You may sleep better at night. Or, you may be in the doghouse, you never know. It's best to take the chance to begin anew, with or without your spouse.
If you are in a committed relationship and you have told the person you are with that you want to be with them and only them, then do not cheat. It's not worth it. It's better to be honest up front before anything happens. How would you feel if your girlfriend, wife, etc told you they cheated on you and you had been the faithful one? I bet pretty bad to say the least. Here you are, happily in love, spending your life with the person you waited so long for and BAM! they hit you with THAT NEWS. Does it get any worse? I bet any one of us could handle hearing we had cancer over being cheated on. There is nothing worse than knowing your partner CHOSE to be intimate with someone else. It is such a take your breath away, being kicked in the gonads type of feeling. Call 9-1-1, I think I am dying here.
The one thing I have learned over the past 38 years is that I have to be who I am regardless. I am no longer afraid of laughing at something which may be silly to someone else. If my favorite song comes on in the car while I am on a date, I sing it and dance to it. If you see me driving in my car and I am singing, I invite you to sing along with me! If I am on a date, what you see is what you get. I am who I am. If I like blue, and you like red, it's ok, no big deal. But, I am not a big drinker, hardly drink at all. If I meet someone and their middle name is Miller, then it's time for me to move on. Another great thing is that I have the intelligence to move on. I know for a fact that I cannot change another human being. If you like smoking, then smoke. I don't prefer it, in my house, car, hair, wherever. There is someone else out there for you and me. There are 5,000,000 fish in the sea. Your guppie may be living in another state and you may meet them eventually. Don't give up hope. It will happen.
I think if people just took the time to get to know the person they are dating, life would be so much easier. But, you have to be able to discern between truth and fiction. Take your time, see how that person really behaves. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Spend time with their family and friends. Do some research. Better yet, ask them how they feel about monogamy. If they promise to be faithful and agree that it's a one on one thing, then great. Let them know if they break their promise, you will leave, no matter what. You have to realize what another person chooses to do may affect you for the rest of your life. Test results may show up negative today, but 6 months from now they may have given you a lifelong gift which keeps on giving.
In closing, if you are in a committed monogamous relationship and agreed to it, then do not cheat. It is just not worth it. You will save your marriage, spouse, children and yourself from alot of pain. One night is just not worth it.
If you are currently cheating now, stop. No matter what. Tell your spouse what you have done and let them go. It's your cross to bear. Release them from this personal hell you are putting them through. Allow your faithful spouse the right to be with someone who treasures them. That person is not you.
If you feel you cannot be monogamous, then do not commit. It's so easy. Don't feel bad if you like dating alot of people. Human nature is just like that. Be completely honest and you will reap the rewards.
UNTIL NEXT TIME!