Laura's Corner

DEADBEAT DAD AND DEADBEAT STEPMOM

Posted by Laura Beyer on June 18, 2008

Alright, so I am writing on behalf of a "friend".   Not going to admit how I know this person, but let's just say she is as close to me as my sister.

When you talk about deadbeat dads, usually you think of a man who skips out on child support.  This case is much different.  My "friend" was married 8 1/2 years and had two daughters with her husband.  They eventually divorced and dad initially agreed to "watch" his daughters only when friend went to work.  He never took his daughters on weekends or holidays.  After 8 months, friend had to take ex to court to enforce partial visitation.  Ex ended up taking his daughters every other weekend.

Both friend and ex agreed to not make a set schedule after the divorce was final.  They agreed on an open schedule.  Friend called ex the weekend after the divorce and asked what time he would pick up his daughters.  Ex states he will only see his girls on the 3rd weekend of the month.  He let's her know that per the divorce decree, it states he is to "have his daughters the minimum of the third weekend of the month" and that is when he is coming.  He is not obligated to come more often (per the divorce decree). 

Ex picks up his daughters one weekend a month.  He does not take his daughters for holidays, birthdays, vacations, etc.  Ex states he is doing "enough" and will only do that much.

Ex remarries.  Stepmom agrees with ex regarding his parenting style.  "He is doing more than enough" says stepmom.  "He's a great dad" she states. 

Friend takes ex to court to get an increase in child support.  They raise it from $450 a month to $650 a month.  Ex refuses, and bargains down to $625 per month.  Ex tells friend he wants her to now either drop off or pick up on his scheduled weekend.  Friend refuses.  She actually asks ex if he is high or smoking something illegal.  "It is only once a month" friend states.   Friend tells ex to put the $25 he bargained into his gas tank and pick up his kids. 

Last summer, ex states he will only be able to see his daughters one Saturday a month since his work schedule changed. 
"Are you kidding me?" states friend.  "One Saturday a month?".   Are you punking me?  Where are you Ashton?

Oldest daughter gets a job earlier this year.  She works on weekends.  Ex asks his oldest daughter to request off on his one Saturday and Sunday per month.  Daughter states work will not allow it and she needs the hours to pay for gas and insurance.  Ex calls Daughter's work to talk with her manager to get the manager to allow her off on his Saturday and Sunday. 

Daughter calls friend (her mom).  Daughter tells friend that ex embarrassed her and she doesn't want him calling her work.  Friend leaves a message for ex and also dials stepmom.  Friend tells stepmom that she needs to inform ex to stop calling Daughter's work.  Friend informs stepmom that ex can come see the girls on other days besides one Saturday a month.  Friend asks stepmom why Daughter should take off of work when ex refuses to spend more time with kids.  She reminds stepmom that ex never takes off on his scheduled days to spend time with his kids.  Stepmom has the audacity to remind friend that her and ex just don't want to "put more gas in their vehicles" to cart number 1 to and from work on their weekend.  Friend reminds stepmom that she carts Daughter to and from work 4-5 days a week, so once a month shouldn't be a problem. 

You tell me, do you have to be a deadbeat if you refuse to pay child support?  Better yet, does deadbeat apply towards men who live 20 minutes from their children but see them once a month.  Not sure how you feel about it, but does $625 replace the emotions and love a girl needs and requires from her father?  Do you give the guy two thumbs up or let him know what he is doing is something he should be ashamed of?  

Deadbeat should not only be applied towards these men, but the women who support these men as well.   What is worse is that stepmom has three children of her own.  Does she not realize, as a woman, the importance of the father-daughter bond?   How can she "stand by her man"?   

I am not sure about you, but this situation ticks me off.  Friend is a great mom and loves her girls.  These girls are outstanding individuals and have never been in trouble.  They are a close family and enjoy spending time together. 

Although friend is doing it on her own, literally, she has accepted her situation as is.  She knows that she will have no regrets.  When her children graduate from college, who do you think they will be thanking?  You tell me....  

 UNTIL NEXT TIME!