Laura's Corner

HUMAN TOUCH.... men and women part 2

Posted by Laura Beyer on April 9, 2008

Does anyone remember the song "Human Touch" by Rick Springfield?  Part of the song states, "we all need, the human touch, we all need it and I need it too".  

 I have been thinking lately about relationships and the necessity of human touch. Studies show that children who live in orphanages usually lack the physical nurturing needed for healthy growth.  I have friends who have adopted children from third world countries.  Some of these children received the touch stimuli from birth on, and have adjusted well to the American culture.  Yet, other stories bear a far different resemblance.  I had a co-worker who years ago adopted twin 5 year old girls from outside the United States.  The girls had not experienced the same bonding as other children.  They had been left in their cribs for hours on end and were given the bare necessities.  They were fed, changed, but lacked the interaction which so all children require to connect with others.  Unfortunately, even years later, these twin girls were not able to have a loving, trusting relationship with my friend.  She felt like a surrogate, waiting for the birth mother to arrive to come in and begin the parenting process.

As a young girl, I can remember both of my Grandmothers being very loving, kind, God-fearing women.  They hugged us, kissed us, loved us and encouraged us.  It is something I looked forward to and carry on in my own family.  We know that infants require touch.  Even when I was tired, regardless of what time of the day or night it was, I always picked up my girls when they needed me.  I believe that if we are embraced as children, we will grow up to be more well rounded, have higher self esteem and will be able to embrace others as well. Each new day that arrives allows me the chance to hug my own girls.  I still kiss them goodbye and at times, sit closely to them while we watch a movie.  We hang out and sometimes they rub my back when it is sore.  Touching is a part of our daily lives and we find it a natural connection which I cherish.  

As an adult, I think about the fact that many people are not comfortable with such signs of affection.  How many times have you met someone who is not into public or private displays of affection?  I wonder what it would be like to be married yet never have that special bond with my spouse.  How about being the child of a mother or father who never patted you on the back or only gave you affection if it was "required".  How has that affected your adult relationships?  How has it affected the relationship you have with your own children?  Desire for something more?  Maybe it's time for a change..

In reflecting upon relationships at this point, there are so many sights on the internet which allow you to find someone to date.  You can either find someone for long term, short term or friendship.   Dating has become a part of modern technology and has made it much easier to meet people we normally would not.  Let's think about why most people would really like to meet someone.  Could it be for adventure?  Could it be for intimacy?  How about a soulmate, a date or simply friendship?  I think everyone has the desire to connect with someone.   Men and women want to spend time together.  They want to find someone who has similar interests, whether it be for one night, one week, 3 months, 5 years or a lifetime.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with connecting with someone long or short term as both people are in agreement regarding the nature of the business. 

What are most people missing?  What are we truly searching for?   The answer is so simple.  It applies to both men and women.  First and foremost, we want to meet someone we connect with, for whatever reason.  Secondly, we want to feel safe, and thirdly, we all want to experience touch.  We want to be touched, with a smile, a compliment, a handshake, a hug or more.  It is something we actually need. When we are touched, it makes us feel alive.  It makes us happy.  Go give your friend a hug, don't be shy.  If you care about someone, let them know they mean something to you.  Remember the last time you embraced someone you loved?  Remember the last time you held the hand of someone you were on a first date with?  Doesn't it feel great? 

 Let's get back to what is most important and begin to touch one another.  Let's embrace one another.  Let's not miss out on the precious time we do have.  If it is something that is unnatural for you, then find a trusted person to talk with..  There are plenty of good resources available.  Start within your own family.  Give your spouse a hug, sit close to your son or daughter.  Start slow.  Move at your own pace.  Over time move in closer.  It will become a learned, yet enjoyable behavior. It is something you will begin to embrace over time.  Let your family know you desire for change and want a closer family relationship. 

Regarding my own personal experience, any relationship I choose to be in has always been "touchy feely".  I want to give my family and friends kisses and hugs.  It feels great!  Eventually when I embrace a long term relationship and join lives with a spouse, I want that special connection.  I want to be touched.  I want to feel loved, special and close.  I want to know that I am cherished.  

Simply put, men and women want to be touched.  We need to be touched.  It's ok to admit it.  It will not make you less masculine or feminine to admit that it feels good, makes you happy and makes your heart smile.  Let's embrace one another and start having healthy relationships.

NTIL NEXT TIME AMERICA! 

The happiest people I know are people that feel comfortable giving and receiving affection.