Laura's Corner

Freedom...

Posted by Laura Beyer on Feb. 5, 2008

Dating

So, last night my girls and I went to State Fair... I, of course, as stated per my kids, looked HOT... :))  The three of us are actually 5'11" to 6'1" in height, so we do stand out in the crowd...

I saw a bunch of people I knew which was nice... my kids decided to go to the Midway to hang out with a friend from school, so I was able to walk around my myself....  what an experience.. I was approached by MANY people who not only stated, "gosh you are tall", but would compare their height to mine... some would have their buddies line us up back to back and see who was taller....  I chatted with not only the people I see occasionally during the summer, but also ran into a couple of people who recognized me from grade school and high school....

My summer friends and I stood around and chatted a bit but then they tried to set me up with the "tall" guy from their group... Knowing what I want, I allowed them to amuse me and actually talked with the guy for a bit... he was nice, kind and generally well spoken.  Yet, when I did a little dance and he jumped right up behind me and began to dance into me as if we were a couple.  I felt immediately uncomfortable....   Why, because it has been some time since I have been in a "couple" situation....  I actually excused myself to take a call and walked around to avoid the situation...  For some time now I have been single, and I am really happy about it.. I enjoy the fact I can go whereever I want and meet whomever I want and walk away.  I have no responsibility to anyone at any time..  I am enjoying having my own personal space.  I have had the experience lately when I meet someone new they think they have the right to move in just a little too close for comfort.  Having been celibate for some time has given me this freedom to see things clearly.  I have been able to see things as they are.  I make decisions based upon the respect I have for myself..  I want to get to know people and see if they are who they say they are...  Do I miss the intimacy, well yes, of course.  I enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship as much, if not more, than most women.  I know someday when I meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with that we will have something very rare..  It will be honest, true and worthy.   I feel that if I allow someone new too close too soon, and we are in public, I may be passing up the possibility that my future husband is looking at me at the exact moment I am with that "other" guy.. the one I hang out with, the one I am friends with...   Another reason I really am not too keen on allowing someone brand new to get too close is because I cherish myself.  I want to be touched by the man whose hands adore and cherish me...  I am, as of late, saving myself.  Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc for the man who is willing to do the work.   

I now know what it means to be comfortable in my own skin.. I am always myself and so happy about that.. I am not willing to sacrifice any part of myself to make someone else happy... I am willing to wait until I meet the right man and not settle for less.  As time moves on, I know each and every day solidifies my beliefs that I am doing the right thing...  Not only is this a benefit for me, but also my daughters, who will do as I do, not as I say...