I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
I recently made a rare public appearance. I'm not much of a drinker, at all, but on occasion, I will meet a friend or group of friends at a local establishment to see live music. The atmosphere was laid back, for which I was grateful, and I ended up making a few new friends. Needless to say, one thing caught my eye and I learned something very valuable.
One girl, name withheld, was strutting her stuff. She was stylish, cute and has sass. On her feet were the cutest pair of "Hello Kitty" spiked heels. At an original height of 5'9", she now topped me at 6'3". As we continued to chat, I noticed her rocking back and forth. "These heels are killing me", she stated, to which I replied, "Take off your heels, no one looks at your feet in a dark bar, quit choosing to put yourself in situations which cause you pain." She took my advice and removed her heels. I could sense a disappointment falling over her face as she believed those heels held a sort of magical power of sorts. Similar to the Ruby Red Slippers or a classic pair of Louis Vuitton, these shoes hold the power of anyone adorning them. This may be true for some, but remember, we're talking a dark corner bar in Milwaukee.
This leads me to my a-ha moment. A great many of us make choices which continue to put us in situations which cause us pain.
I'll give you mine. A couple of months ago, after a couple of months of working out and counting calories, I lost 30 pounds. Great accomplishment, but it took a lot out of me. After I saw the desired weight reflected on the scale I had an "eff it" moment and realized that whether I was 165 or 195 pounds, I was still a valuable person. Not much had changed within besides my waistline and gluteus area so I basically gave up. I took a break from the gym. I started to eat, and now I'm right around 180 pounds.
I'll be honest. My stamina and overall energy is at an all time low. I prefer to sit in lieu of walk and would rather sleep in than hit the gym. Also, my lower back pain is slowly returning, enough to be noticeable. Despite the fact I know I should get back to the gym and watch what I eat, I haven't hit my low again.. yet.
These are the choices I am making every day which are and will continue to cause me pain. The truth of the matter is I go through my spurts. I give everything up and work out like a maniac to attain my goal and then get completely burned out. I haven't learned a healthy balance and may never will without some sort of divine intervention.
Same thing with relationships. I have been officially single since 2005 yet it appears as if I have been on the same dating path for quite some time. I meet individuals who are either "separated", (aka sleeping in a separate bed from their partner), or newly divorced. I have also met the dreaded, "Not ready for a relationship but would love a friend with benefits" (aka I like you, but not THAT much!). It's been an interesting journey to say the least.
Now that I've revealed a few choices I make that continue to cause me pain, what's the solution? The only person who can change me is me. I can't expect anyone else to give me concrete advice because they haven't walked a step in my shoes. As well as certain individuals know me, they will never truly understand because they haven't had every single experience I've had. Similar, maybe, but different all the same.
Is it time to get back to the gym? Absolutely! Why? Because it's good for me. Is it time to change my mind regarding who I am going to date? Absolutely! Why? Because it's good for me.
It's good for me because change may bring about less pain. Am I certain that these changes will bring forth 100% alleviation, absolutely not. Yet, it may give me a good, positive path to walk for awhile until I have to once again readjust my way of thinking regarding what I will choose to do in the future.
How about you? What decisions bring you pain? Have you had a certain awakening regarding the need to readjust and take a different path? If so, what choices are you making and how has that impacted your life for the better?