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Laura's Corner

I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.

CHARGE (I mean change) IT!

I believe it is time for men and women to start taking charge of their lives. 
 
For so many years, since the beginning of time, we have used the term "head of household".  When this comes to mind, your first thought will usually be the man in the home.  It was not until divorce began that head of household was changed to refer to the man or the woman in the home.
 
For at least eight years, I have been head of my household.  To me this means I have the right to make the rules in my home.  Now, whether they are followed or not is a different story, but so far so good.  I take my role seriously and have raised children who are proud of themselves.  They take care of our home and have their designated areas they are responsible to clean on a daily basis.  Sometimes, chores are not done until "later", but for the most part, our home is a place we like to be.
 
I wonder how many people have taken a different role.  How many others have chosen to allow someone else to be head of their household?  Have you ever observed parents who are truly not in control of their children in a public place?  Does this frustrate you to no end? 
 
I believe we as men and women have to reinvent who we are.  Whether you are in a relationship or not, it is time for you to take charge of your own well being.   Are you at a point in your life where you are just frustrated?  Are you tired of being tired?  Feel sort of like Rodney Dangerfield where "you get no respect"? 
 
Well, Aretha, it's time you take back your life and get some r-e-s-p-e-c-t.  It is time to take a long hard look at who you really are.   Do you remember a time, long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away when your "no" meant no?  How about when you were "for sure" about what you wanted?  Remember that one tiny bright spot in your life where you felt on top of the world?  You haven't?  Well, then maybe it's time for us to hang out. 
 
Through a lot of work, prayers and the love and support of friends, I have come a long way.   I now know who I am, what I want, and I live my life to the fullest.  I say no when I mean no, later if I mean later, and yes if I mean yes.  I no longer feel guilty when I do not want to "hang out" with someone who drains the life out of me.  I now know what quality means. 
 
I can admit there was a point in my life where I did what I was told.  I really was not raised to have a voice.  This affected me for many years.  I have done years of work, went to Al-Anon and began to establish boundaries.  Had I not done this I would still be in the same relationships.  These are relationships which were unhealthy.  I had befriended people who I thought really cared about me, when in the end, it was all about those "friends" using me for the benefit of themselves. 
 
What does it take to get to this point?  You know, the point where you have amazing people in your life?  I mean, let's get serious. If you are doing drugs, you cannot certainly expect healthy people to want to be in your company.  It's not fair.  Birds of a feather? Well, the same applies to you Parakeet.  It is time you fly in the opposite direction you were flying as of yesterday.  I have not clipped your wings.  I want you to fly North instead of South.  Just do it. 
 
If you have been a hot mess for longer than a year, guess what?  Life is too short.  If you think you can "begin tomorrow" you are dead wrong.  Today may be your last day, tomorrow may never come.  Isn't that a song or something?  If it's not, let me contact Josh Groban so we can collaborate. 
 
Moving forward.  Even if you are an alcoholic, drug addict, suffer from an eating disorder, etc, then guess what?  You too can change.  It is a minute by minute process.  Initially, it is recognizing that what you are doing is not working.  It is causing you harm and heartache.  The meaning of insanity is "doing the same thing while expecting new results".   The next step in a lifestyle change is making the conscious decision to stop the behavior.  Every time you choose, (and yes, I SAID CHOOSE), to participate in an unhealthy behavior SHAME ON YOU!  It is time to quit blaming Tom, Dick, Harry or Larry for your bad behaviors.  It is time to say, I messed up, I chose to do the wrong thing, or I… whatever.  It is time to realize that your life is your choice.  This might be a relief.  You might finally say, WOW, no kidding?   Guess what?  It's true!?  Let's say before this exact moment you have chosen to participate in negative behaviors.  There is good news!  You can CHOOSE from this day forward to do something positive.  Yep, you heard me, you can choose a new path for your life TODAY! 
 
Let me reiterate, it is not going to be easy.  If you are used to relying on "something" to get you through the minute, hour or day, then let me stress the importance of seeking professional help.  The following step is joining a support group.  There is a group out there for everyone.  Someone else has walked in your shoes.  Believe me, when you walk in the room, and someone else tells their story, you will see 95% of the room nodding in agreement.  You will feel at home.  It is not necessary to share until you feel comfortable.  The first step in healing is to move in the right direction.
 
As soon as you join the group you will learn how others got through to the other side.  How refreshing is that?  They usually assign a mentor or big brother to each newbie.  Be very careful, this person may have the same experience, but be very weary of the fact they may be new in their healing as well.  Ensure the person you are connected with has been through treatment or healing for a few years and is on the straight and narrow. 
 
Over time, you will realize that it is possible to start over.  At some point you will choose new friends, family members, etc.  With each step, you can become the head of your own household.  As you begin your new life, you will see yourself with a whole bunch of r-e-s-p-e-c-t and become friends with those who look to you for guidance and support.  You will eventually be the teacher, and not the student. 
 
I will congratulate you now on the start of your new life.  It is never too late.  Not until you take your final breath and move towards the light. 
 
UNTIL NEXT TIME! 

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

 

I think this blog is long overdue. It will be my most controversial yet. I am willing to take one for the team. After reading this, you will realize what team I am on, and I believe that some of you will be joining me. I am taking a deep breath, wish me luck!

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