I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
I am not alone. Each one of us has the ability to write a lifetime of stories about how they feel they've been righted or wronged within their biological family. I am going to write about my experience and how I've gotten through this past year.
My oldest daughter moved out when I was at work the last Friday of February 2011. I walked into the house, noticed her laptop was gone, and proceeded into her room. It was empty, I was shocked, but I walked out of the room, shut the door and proceeded to text my youngest to give her the news. She acted shocked as well. A couple of months later my youngest texts me at work telling me my oldest was home and wanted to talk. I went home after work, we talked and she asked for money. I proceeded to ask how she was able to move her things out of my home in one day to which she informed me that my youngest knew that she was moving out.
Needless to say, I was hurt. I felt betrayed and expressed such. My oldest walked out of my life once again. To this day I am unsure of where she's living or what she's doing with herself. I have seen her out and about. She's seen me as well. Her response is to look at me and walk away. That's our norm.
Last September, I encouraged my youngest to move in with her father. There had been a number of shenanigans which occurred and I felt it best. One month later, I receive a text, "Auburn moved to California, she's living with your sister." My response was, "To visit or live?" My texter stated, "She's living there, everyone knew she was moving and they decided not to tell you."
More shock, awe and disbelief. For their entire lives, I was "good enough" to raise them, 99% on my own. Not one person called CPS or filed for joint custody. Let's just say I was sufficient enough to raise two girls, on my own despite the fact afterwards very few praised me as a mother.
My sisters, mother, aunts, uncles and cousins, people I called family, none decided it was important to tell me that my youngest moved, much less out of state. Church-goers, Christians, those who believe in God, forgiveness and loving thy neighbor. Go figure.
It's been one year since I've seen, heard from or talked to my youngest. I've sent packages, only to have them returned. Not one person in my family will give me information, much less pictures, about my children. I don't know if they're sick, happy, sad, mad, glad or thriving. They're being protected from me, the Big Bad Wolf, the same wolf who protected those girls their entire lives.
I guess I'm not perfect. I was told so today. Guess what family, you aren't either. Let's talk about a few things I know for sure.
Within my immediate family, we've had extra-marital affairs, abuse, alcoholism, gossip, slander, drugs, neglect, uncleanliness, promiscuity and the list goes on. Not once have I stepped in and turned my sister's children against them. I have never told them that they're mothers weren't good mothers. I allowed each one the right to decide what she felt was right for her own family. Granted, when I outed one or two for their cheatin' ways, I felt it was the right thing to do. Go figure.
To my biological family, do your thing. I raised my girls, I did a damned fine job. I know this because my girls are amazing, well behaved and respectful (at least to others). Unlike yours, I have never taught my children to disrespect adults in this so called family, swear or talk back. My girls didn't throw fits with you because they didn't get their way. They didn't flip you off, swear at you or one another. They didn't beat on eachother or put their hands on adults in an abusive, derrogatory or harmful way. Let's just say I disagree with your parenting and know the hell you're going to go through because you refuse to instill some sort of respect. Instead, they've been taught to believe they can have what they want if they cry long enough or say mean things. Good luck with that! You're going to need it!
I am done defending myself. I am done right-fighting. I am not going to admit wrongdoing or that I was a bad parent. I never claimed to be perfect. If I had been the mother you claim I was, why didn't someone, anyone, do something to "save" my children?
This will be my last and final blog about this particular subject. I am not angry, I am not trying to seek revenge. I am simply saying goodbye to the chaos, drama and b.s. I choose happiness, love and have made the decision to be around others who wish the very best for me.
To my family, it's your loss. I am an amazing, wonderful, compassionate, intelligent, witty, giving and loving individual. (Among many other things).
To all my friends, you know who you are, thank you for loving me every single day and having my back. Because of you, I thrive and survive. You appreciate and accept me unconditionally. You know me, inside and out. With you, I feel unashamed to share my deepest, darkest secrets. Through you I have found understanding, acceptance and unconditional love. I love you!