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Laura's Corner

I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.

ADDICTIONS AND SUCH

As a young girl, drinking was a favorite past-time at each of our family parties.  I recall at the ripe old age of 10 sneaking wine to make wine coolers with my sisters.  Not once were we caught.  Fortunately, it was not something we became addicted to, but we sure had fun in the process.

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A-hole is not a color

I consider myself a reasonable person, able to get along with mostly everyone.  I do not believe we are all meant to be BFF’s, but we are at least to make enough of an effort to be polite.   I do believe you have the right to choose whomever you want in your “circle” of friends network and that by your choice your true personality will shine, (or dull). 

I hate to admit this, but I believe certain individuals are a-holes.  This applies towards both men and women.  I could throw in the “B” word, but I am trying to be most effective with the former offense.

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LIFE AFTER DEATH aka DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Per recent statistics, it states that half of all marriages will fail and eventually wind up in the eventual tornado of divorce. 

Being married for a number of years gives one the security of having someone at home waiting for you.  It is possible the both of you have been monogamous and therefore experienced intimacy without barriers.  It allowed a certain type of freedom from running to and fro the drugstore “just in case”. 

Although the idea of dating scares many, for others it brings hope that love will once again cross their paths.  Dating in general is daunting, yet how many of us are truly prepared for intimacy with a stranger?  Courting is so different today than 10 years ago.  For those who have not used any source of protection now have to consider the fact that it is the only way to go.  Even if you have an amazing date, chances are she may have had an amazing date last week which lead to a roll in the hay.  How is one to know to ask certain questions?  Is it easier said than done? 

I recall being single for the first time in many years.  My children were young and I had no clue as to the first step in dating.  I was single for quite a few months and eventually met someone at the wedding of my sister.  He was charming, exciting and we laughed.  Eventually things progressed and I fell into relationship mode.  Although things eventually ended, what my sister had “forgotten” to tell me was that this man had very poor tendencies.  Definitely not my cup of tea.

How is one to meet someone of the opposite or same sex?  What are the rules and how do we go about it most effectively?  As someone who has been in the dating arena for many years, I have a few tips and ideas.  Being a single mom has put a twist on how I approach things yet has kept me in check more than once. 

An interesting way to meet men and women of course is via the internet.  You can do a trial period on some popular sites to get your feet wet.  Be very careful about whom you choose to communicate with.  Read the entire profile word for word.  If at any time you feel uncomfortable, move on.  Delete, block or just say no.  No need for explanations.  If you see someone who catches your eye, wink or send an email.  After that, let it go.  Do not send additional emails.  If you get a response which is a “no thanks” or “I met someone recently”, then move on.   If you do receive an email to your liking, respond within a timely manner.  Keep it short and sweet.  Suggest talking on the phone within 24 hours and see what happens.   I believe the best policy is to meet within 5 days.  Even if you are crossing paths or both at the mall within the same time period, suggest meeting for a couple of minutes.  That is usually all it takes to get a good first impression.  

It is very important to keep your personal information private.  As a woman, I always block my phone number prior to talking with a stranger.  I give them the general vicinity regarding where I live and tell them I work for company which specializes in whatever my line of work is.  I try to keep the conversation short, sweet and to the point.   If I feel that we have a few things in common regarding ethics and sense of humor, I suggest a date.  It is always somewhere public and sometimes in a place where I know others. 

If you find someone you like, spend time with that person.  Eventually you should be able to discuss your ideas regarding sex and intimacy.  Take your time, no need to rush.  At an older age, it is so much more important to meet quality people regardless.  If it is meant to be, it will happen.  It is important to find out if your eventual partner has any STD’s and their idea regarding birth control.  Even if the both of you have had any type of sterilization, it is still important to use protection.  If you have not used it in many years, it is important to begin today. 

The most important bit of advice I can give would be to take your time.  It is necessary to give yourself time to heal after a divorce.  Dating will give you necessary stepping stones prior to your next commitment and should be a time to learn about what single life is like compared to before.   Our duty as adults should be to be pleasant, honest and contribute to the conversation.  It is always very important to ask questions and listen as well.   After the date, make a list of what you liked and also did not like.  You will eventually build a resume for the person you would like to spend your life with.  

Above all, dating should be fun and stress free.   Take this time to enjoy activities which you may have long forgotten to appease your former partner.  Better yet, join a singles group and discover a new passion.  Work on your personal health and well being to ensure a balanced relationship.  You never know, Mr. or Mrs. may be
"Right" around the corner.

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