Laura's Corner

Independence Life

Posted by Laura Beyer on July 3, 2012

Hi everyone!

I could pretend I know something about history.  To be honest, and this is between you and me, I barely squeaked through my Senior Year of High School.  I was told approximately a month prior to Graduation that if I didn't pass my History class, I wouldn't graduate.  Low and behold, my final grade was a D-.  Let's just say I've had dreams of being in High School as a 20-something woman carrying two babies on my hips through the hallways since.  

That said, I'm obviously not the person to touch on History, or Biology for that matter.  Instead, I will talk about my own personal Independence, from various facets of life. 

Independence to me means that you are free and clear, not of bills, mind you.  I am referring to those things which truly hold us back:  mentally, physically and emotionally. 

My life has taken many turns.  Some dramatic, others, not so much.  Despite the unforeseen, I am smiling, laughing and embracing life. 

Today, I am free and clear from hostility, hate and negativity.  I no longer live a life filled with chaos, co-dependence and fear.  For the first time in my life, I am completely responsible for three people, Me, Myself and I.  

At the ripe young age of 42, I am living the life most dream of.  A majority of my friends have young children or teens at home, this I do not.  I am, for the most part, in overall good health.  I can wake up every morning and worry about getting myself ready and driving to work.  Evenings consist of eating, the gym, heading out with friends and sleeping all night long, in an uninterrupted state of mind.  Weekends include photography, lying in the sun, meeting cool people and chatting with whomever reciprocates.  Outside of the 9-5, Monday through Friday, let's just say time is on my side.  

I do not believe anyone is completely prepared to face this stage in life.  Many sit home, pondering, wondering, hoping that someone, anyone, will be available for some one-on-one time.  I, on the other hand, rely on me, and no one else.  

Gaining this type of independence takes a lot of hard work, it's a preparation.  We all must face the fact that each one of us will one day be child or spouse free.  Some consider this a death or a curse.  Others fall into a deep depression.  When one has relied on their children as their only source of happiness and gratification, it's almost impossible to let go of your lifeline.  

Now that the shoe is on my other foot, I have a few suggestions for an easier transition.  First and foremost, our children are on loan, they are never meant to ensure your individual happiness or success.  They must be allowed to be an adult and live their lives.  Second, it's very important that each parent has outside hobbies with friends of the same sex.  Third, couples that play together stay together.  Make time to laugh and bond with your life partner every single day.  Forgo falling into the "now what" trap when both are retired or home during extended periods of time.  Last but not least, for all the single folks, date.  Get out there.  Take a mini-vacation when the kids are gone.  If the opposite parent is not involved, swap babysitting with another parent or family member.  It's more than important to get back to who you are so that you can be the best you can be when you're on your own.  

Having extracarricular activities and letting go sooner than later will prepare us for our lives of Independence.  Don't be afraid, it's not as bad as you think.   After the initial shock and grieving passes, and you come to a place of acceptance, you too will be able to enjoy the next phase of your life. 

I wish you a life of Independence, happiness, hope, love and laughter, each and every day.  

God Bless the U.S.A.