I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
I was raised Catholic, moved on to Born Again Christian, and eventually settled into a non-denominational type of situation.
Years ago I ceased my weekly visits. No particular reason why, maybe it was the fact I liked to sleep in, have an entire Sunday to myself. I could give you a million and one reasons and/or excuses, yet I won’t. I began to think about my beliefs about heading to a place many called a home away from home.
One day, I got honest. I came clean. Went to my Maternal Grandmother’s home and once again, she asked her favorite question. “Did you go to church Laurie?” Taking a deep breath, I spoke the truth. “Grandma, I haven’t been to church in years.” Exhale. Grandma looked me in the eyes and said these very words, “You know, if you went to church, I’d love you more.” My response, “Aren’t you supposed to love me more because I don’t go to church.” End of conversation? Not exactly!
Church goers are a funny sort. For some reason, they believe, as had I, if you went to church, you were in some way better. I was told years ago by a previous co-worker, “Because I go to church, I’m closer to God than you.” Great, good for you, so glad I’ve fallen short from the glory.
After much deliberation, I know this much. By the age of 5, we know that killing, stealing, lying and cheating is wrong. Most of us refrain, because we are innately ingrained with morals, compassion and love. We experience this through family, friends, teachers, coaches, strangers, television, music, etc. This is not something that leaves your being. It never will.
I follow rules which are fairly simple. I live a quiet life, mind my own business and speak when spoken to, or not. I treat others with respect, am a kind and overall a pleasant person to be around. My family may disagree, my friends attest.
I am not the type of girl who belongs. I am an outside the universe type of person. I believe each one of us has the right to a personal relationship with whomever or whatever keeps us on the path we choose. We have our own rules, boundaries and lifestyles which suit us at the time being. Experiences, or what others calls mistakes, are tools which mold us to become greater or less than in the long run.
Because we have free will, some of us will finish this race with a smile, others, a catastrophic crash and burn. As much as we desire our loved ones to have peace, happiness, joy and likewise, it is simply a wish, a hope, a dream.
I am not meant to walk your path. My ideas about right and wrong apply to me and me alone. I can’t walk a mile in your shoes, who would walk a mile in mine?
The moral of the story is this. Your religion, faith, beliefs, morals, relationships, lifestyle, friendships, body, etc, is your business. What others around you choose is theirs. You have the right to decide who you want in your personal space, car, home, bed, etc. If whomever you relate to is not bringing a smile to your face, take steps to figure out why you are accepting any less. If you have a relationship with another that causes you pain, hear this. Somewhere, down deep inside, it is ingrained that you deserve to be treated as such.
For the sake of yourself, your children, your life, forgive yourself. Let go of whatever is causing you guilt. Begin to break free from those who won’t let go of your past. You know, the ones who remind you of what happened 5, 10, 20 years ago? Tell them, “Hey, this isn’t working for me, the past is in the past, let it go already. If you continue to live in the past, sell your laptop and cell phone. They didn’t exist at that time. Why would someone as awesome as you continue to invest in and think about someone as awful as me? Oh, and by the way, you are not cool beans.”
Take steps to heal yourself. You deserve a life worthy of compassion, kindness, love and all of your favorite things. Amen.