Laura's Corner

Happily Ever After....

Posted by Laura Beyer on Nov. 15, 2011

I am going to lay it on the line.  I have been married twice.  Yes, twice.  I am not ashamed of it nor do I claim to be an expert.  The first time was at the Court House wearing maternity gear, second occurred in my living room.  Let’s just say neither was traditional.

I have been in love, more than once.  After 25 years of dating, long term relationships and the “L” word, I have some sort of experience in this area.  Consider this a puzzle.  Take whatever pieces necessary to assist with your current situation.

Unless you are without feeling, chances are you have bonded with someone outside your family.  We live through songs, dreams, fairy tales and movies.   Thanks to Stephanie Meyer, we imagine vampire love which lasts forever.     We believe in soul mates, the happily ever after and “until death do we part”.    The feelings of grandeur each one feels when Grandma and Grandpa reach their 50 year anniversary, what compares? 

Marriage; one word which causes a mixture of emotions.  Although we do not have a percentage regarding those who would marry, at least fifty percent now say, “Never again!”  After going through the heartache of divorce, most choose to take a very different road. 

Whether it is religious, tax or childbearing purposes, love, partnership, a big wedding, looks, money, etc, we each have very different ideas about the why of it all. 

At this current time, I am enjoying my life as an unmarried gal.  It’s freeing to have my own money, time, space, closets, bathroom, vehicles, etc.  Now that it’s been a certain length of time, I honestly don’t know if I could cohabitate.   I come and go as I please, sleep until whenever, answer to no one and run when opportunity comes a-knocking.   Although it’s quiet, there is a peace that is indescribable. 

Would I marry again?  At this time I can answer a very definite, NO!  Partially because I don’t feel like going for the three strikes you’re out.   Been there, done that.  I have found the greatest rewards come from seeing someone less than more.

Regardless of my own personal beliefs regarding marriage, I believe each person has the right to choose whatever type of cohabitation works for them.  On that note, I’ll tell you what I believe today regarding long lasting relationships, friendship and more:

My beliefs regarding amazing relationships are as follows:  be yourself, 100% of the time, each and every day.  Never hold back your thoughts, beliefs, intentions and ideas regarding who you are.  If you feel something is silly, laugh, if you want to dance, go ahead and dance.  Avoid adjusting your personality, looks, beliefs, etc, because you want to have someone or feel loved.  You must be unafraid of walking alone until you find others who add in lieu of subtracting from your life.  You must be willing to let go of the bad in order to add the good.   You must believe in yourself and state how you feel about anything and everything.  If you like blue, stick with blue.  You may change your mind later, but for today, it’s blue.

A good partner lives with a sacrificial spirit.  Those who selflessly sacrifice have a pleasant feeling when they do for another.  It is ingrained, a part of our very beings.  It’s a second hand nature, not something we gripe about to our best friends.  Similar to a loving parent, you are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure your partner is fed emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. 

Becoming a good partner takes time, trials and experience, found in those who have loved, lost, overcome the unbelievable and given unconditionally.    The spirit you see within those who have survived cancer, the loss of a child, lifelong partner or anything else which breaks the heart into a million pieces.  It is only when we face our pain, deal with hurt and forgive that we are able to look at life through and unbelievably grateful heart.   

Take what you wish, leave the rest...