I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
Throughout my 20 plus years in the workplace, I have encountered more than one bully. I have always dealt differently with each one because each is twisted in a different sort of way.
I have used my own experience to become very effective with each and every one. At times, it’s a hands off approach, with others, being uniquely one step ahead always seems to curve their appetite for destruction.
In all honesty, bullies are everywhere. They reside within homes, classrooms, vehicles, the internet and any other place you find living breathing human beings. Bullies are cunning and calculated, looking for a victim around every corner. Each one of us is a target, yet it takes a certain personality type which they view the most vulnerable.
If you are nervous regarding confrontation or rejection, find it unable to speak your mind or say yes more often than not, you are more likely to become the object of a bully’s affliction. If you have been called a doormat or a yes man, you too will be on the forefront. A bit of good advice: limit the amount of personal information you share with a new individual. No need to tell everyone your deep dark secrets. It’s best to remain cool, calm and collected in a new environment. Do not react or feed into any drama or gossip. Simply state that you have work to complete and walk away.
A few red flags to beware of: bullies have a bad day every day. Their problems are far worse than anyone else. They will interrupt in order to gain attention. You will notice they treat or speak about family members or co-workers in very derogatory manners. They hold a master’s degree in Adult Temper Tantrums. They are always louder and what you and I consider minor becomes a 20 minute bitch-fest. Their statements towards others always include words such as, “Don’t, can’t, won’t or shouldn’t.” Take heed.
Bullies are insecure, have low self esteem and dislike themselves and others. They demean to gain power and believe that their opinion is the only opinion which matters. Disagree with them and they only become louder. They fight tooth and nail regardless of truth and cut to the core with their words. They use personal information for a greater good and will intimidate with many different tactics.
Because we cannot escape completely, what is the best way to deal with a bully? Make your case by journaling times and dates and present it to your supervisor. If need be, include your human resource manager. There is absolutely no need for confrontation or right fighting. Say something, anything, even if it sounds crazy, to divert attention elsewhere. Speak French, German or practice your sign language (no, not the middle finger!) Look out the window, gasp and say, “Did you see that snowman cross the road??” Become crazier than the bully and they will be certain to leave you alone.
You have one life; spend it with less stress and anxiety. Surround yourselves with others who have the same belief system as you and you will find yourself smiling more than crying.
If you are a bully, and you know who you are, meet me in the parking lot at noon. I’ll see you there!