Laura's Corner

A non-typical type of situation...

Posted by Laura Beyer on March 13, 2011

If marriage is so promising, then why does it fail 50% of the time?

Who ever came up with the idea of TWO months of salary for an engagement ring?  

If we know that sex drops off after marriage for a significant number of individuals, would your best bet be to commit and live in separate households?

Why do we put a price on love, given the fact that love heads out the door when we can no longer meet (the price) or beat it?

Some say marriage creates an environment of overweight, lazy cheaters.  Why not stay single and live a life free of lies and obesity??  

Can two people be completely happy without dropping thousands of dollars on a piece of paper, dress, tux, appetizers, dinner, music and a hotel room???

Pondering my current status as “single”, bought and paid for, I wonder; why do we have rules regarding relationships, engagements and marriage?  

Let’s say we re-write the rules regarding relationships.  What would happen if men and women didn’t have an agenda?  Is this a less than ideal situation or would folks start feeling a bit of freedom regarding their happiness and individuality?  

Case scenario: a man and woman, both are divorced.  For the past four years, they have seen each other approximately once a week, give or take.  He lives in his home, she in hers.  They do not have joint accounts, vehicles, or property.  Family get-togethers are non-existent.  Within that time, there has been one sleepover.  Not a holiday or birthday card exchanged.  Communication is regular, chats about work, family and miscellaneous.  Both are free and clear of feelings, positive and negative, from previous relationships.  Because they have chosen to go against the odds, it works for them.  Could you handle such a relationship?

One might say, “Wow that is crazy! How can you call that a commitment?  How do you know you can trust one another?  Don’t you miss the regular contact, bonding and partnership?  They don’t hang out on the holidays?  What about his family or her family?”  

Since it’s not broke, there hasn’t been a reason to fix it.

If you didn’t have to worry about sharing your money, time, space, closets, home, vehicles, etc, without feeling guilty, would you choose that lifestyle?  Other than the fact that most join together for procreation purposes, is it necessary to lose your individuality to fit an expectation built by society?  

Free love, Catholic Church, promiscuity, one man/one woman, birth control or not, who made up rules regarding love, sex and everything ever after?  Why have we chosen to follow in the footsteps of our forefathers?  As an individual, who has different wants and needs as my parents and siblings, isn’t it my right to choose the path I desire to walk?  

What makes you happy may or may not make me happy.  I might think Brad Pitt is dreamy while you go for someone along the lines of Jerry Seinfeld.  I enjoy holding hands and kissing, you may not.  I love bubble baths, you prefer to get dirty.  The spa is a twice a year visit for me, you would rather spend the money on concert tickets.  

Either way, it is up to each person to decide what works for them.  Getting married is a personal decision.  As much as we would love to control the Tunnel of Love for our children, grandchildren, sisters, friends and parents, we must allow one another the opportunity to discover what works for them.  

We must fight for our individual freedoms, the ones granted to us through our loved ones and everyone before them.  Take the time to discover what turns your internal flicker into a burning inferno.  Date a plenty to find out what works and (most important) does not work for you.  In the end, it is you and whomever you choose.  Choose wisely.