Dear John*:

Thanks so much for our date last Saturday.  We had a great dinner and went to the movies.  Within 20 minutes of sitting, I felt your hand graze the side of my breast.  I politely moved your hand away 6-7 times and then had to hold it down as if your life depended on it.  I will not be seeing you again, ever, but I do want to thank you for dinner and a movie.  

Yours truly,

Laura

Although I rarely write about my own relationships regarding dating and love, this is a true story.   Up until the point of “touchy-feely”, everything flowed fairly smoothly.  The conversation and dinner were great, the ice cream delicious.   I had no idea that seeing a movie would create me to sign some sort of invisible agreement that stated my body was part of this package deal.

With the invention of pornography and free love, it appears as if we have simply moved on towards casual sex or friends with benefits.  I am a supporter of adults doing whatever comes naturally, but have we taken it a bit too far?

Throughout the years I have not only been convinced but also convinced myself that I have wants, needs and desires that should not go to waste.  Basically, if I want something, RIGHT NOW, I should go ahead and get it whenever, wherever and with whomever I wish.  It doesn’t matter how well I know the other person, I should simply remove my feelings and emotions from my physical needs and “take care of business”.  

Because attitudes regarding sex have changed over the years, many are posting for casual hookups on the internet.  There are many popular sites to support this type of “relationship”.  Instead of courting, and getting to know someone, most are simply looking to hook up whenever and wherever.  No need to check for STD’s, relationship status or if your new partner has a record, let’s get down to business.  Married men and women looking for a one-night or longer type of setup are responding to personal ads regularly.  They are opening up the doors to the greener grass, believing that if John, Sally, Joe, and Nancy are doing it, so can they.

It is now expected, at times, that the end of a date should include a hand or blow job.  Unfortunately, with sex being as casual as it is, the age of boys and men desiring instant gratification occurs within teens through adults.   For some strange reason, some men believe if they pay for a date, they should be rewarded.  There should be some kind of trade-off of course.  I buy you dinner, you get me off.  How romantic!!

What in the world ever happened to courting?  Where has chivalry gone?  What about butterflies and the anticipation of the first kiss?  Whatever happened to dating, getting to know one another and allowing the romance to build naturally? Where has the “I had a great date (a sweet kiss on the cheek), let’s do this again soon,” gone?  

When one skips from first base to homerun status, we forgo everything wonderful from happening.  We forgo making decisions based on personality and intellect.  We find ourselves with more regrets than not.  We may be guaranteed a physical release, yet emotionally and mentally we end up losing big time .

Until women (and men) decide to change their beliefs about sex, we will continue to pursue one another aggressively without hesitation.   We must begin to find value in which we are instead of how we can perform in the bedroom.  Instead of asking if the carpets match the drapes and sending intimate photos to strangers, why not decide to refrain for a bit?  

My body is a treasure, it is not an expectation.  My lips, mouth, chest and private areas are not simply given because you invested a small amount of time and money.  They are to be shared with someone who has invested himself through kindness, compassion, caring, patience and energy.    Sex should never be a part of any equation unless you truly know and care for someone, (which takes longer than an email, text message, hour, week or month.)  

Important questions for men:  how would you feel if the guy expected your sister to give him a blow job simply because he paid for dinner?  How would you feel if a guy your mom met expected her to meet him for casual sex?  What if a man sent pictures of his penis to your niece or cousin?  

Important questions for women:   why are we meeting men for casual sex and devaluing the very part of ourselves which creates life?  Do we not treasure ourselves enough to believe that we are worth getting to know because we are valuable, special and contribute to the world in a positive way?   Do you want your little sister, mom or cousin to be treated the way you have?  

Changes take place one person at a time.  Join me in this adventure, you won’t have any regrets.  

*Name changed as to protect the guilty.